Today, I am 50 and the world is absolutely fucked.
Today, I am 50 and am desperately hopeless.
And wildly grateful.
Today, I am 50 and enjoying a cup of hot coffee.
Today, I am 50 and am loved.
And want to scream until my insides ooze from my pores.
Today, I am 50 and am rested, smoothing over Christmas trees on flannel sheets in June.
Air conditioning.
While large swaths of the Earth are boiling.
Birds are falling from the sky.
Again.
Today, I am 50 and am marveling at the bright red cardinal perched on my front porch.
Today, I am 50 and am just.
WHAT. IS. HAPPENING.
Today, I am 50 and am walking past the house with the American and Israeli flags.
I don’t love my neighbor.
Today, I am 50 and hugged my children, my husband, my dogs, my sister, my father.
And saw more images of more dead children.
Today, I am 50 and miss my mother.
Today, I am 50 and watched another video of a wailing mother.
Today, I am 50 and am nourished.
While millions are starving in Palestine, Sudan, Congo, and beyond.
Today, I am 50 and zigzagging through lush oak trees and chubby white babies in chic black strollers.
Unable to shake the images of Black and brown baby skeletons in white diapers.
Today, I am 50 and eyeing a steaming plate of chicken biryani.
Today, I am 50 and am raging.
And go to reheat my coffee.
Today, I am 50 and am calm.
And go to reheat my coffee.
Today, I am 50 and am crying in the shower.
Maybe I’ll start screaming there too.
Today, I am 50 and curse those who are dead on the inside.
Causing so much harm.
Silent during genocide.
Today, I am 50 and remember — barely — when I too had been dead on the inside.
Today, I am 50 and remember — vividly — when I too had been dead on the inside.
Today, I am 50 and curse my former self for the harm I caused.
Silent during genocide.
Today, I am 50 and hate my former self for the harm I caused.
Today, I am 50 and forgive my former self for the harm I caused.
Wondering, in earnest, how I WOKE UP.
Today, I am 50 and messy, imperfect, devastated, hopeful, in love, loved.
Embraced and held by community.
Today, I am 50 and wildly grateful.
To be in community with you.
So grateful for this community ❤️
I love this so much! Happy Birthday Saira!